


Old Flames

by swbooker



Series: Could Have [4]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 23:38:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12493480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swbooker/pseuds/swbooker
Summary: Edward is alone and desperate when he meets Roy - meets Roy again, he should say.





	Old Flames

**Author's Note:**

> A short little fic, just because I felt like it, and needed something new to write. It's not beta read and it's fairly rushed but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

Edward didn't know what he was doing there, in that bar, drinking bad beer. He wanted to be home instead, wrapped in the embrace of the firelight and exploring space with the traces of his finger against his window. Maybe Al would be there too, making his hot chocolate with cream and cinnamon, and they'd gather all their blankets and camp in the garden. Just for a few hours.

But no. Instead, he was in a bar, drowning out his sorrows because it was the only option he _had_. There was no-one here to spend time with. After so long being alone, Edward had almost forgotten what it felt like to love another person; to hold them as though they were the moon that lit up the night.

"Well, shit," Edward muttered.

He couldn't see much more than ten feet in front of him, and he felt slow, sluggish, heavy in a way that made him tip  _just so_ on his bar stool. With one hand, Edward roughly rubbed his face, his other cupped loosely around his drink - his stupid, disgusting drink that tasted like misplaced hopes and dreams, and disappointment. Or maybe that was just him. He didn't really know anymore, a bit too drunk to put his pretentious thoughts to right. Maybe Mustang really was having an affect on him, he thought, then snorted because  _of course he was_ , Edward loved him so much he could barely feel the pain of losing him.

No. That was a lie. Edward felt it more and more strongly each and every day.

He was alone here on the other side of the Gate. He didn't have Al, or Winry, or Mustang, and no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find a way to get home... but he would keep trying. He just needed tonight: just one break, just tonight...

"Hi. Is this seat taken?"

Edward didn't bother raising his head; he just shrugged and took another sip of his drink, and the stranger laughed, taking his indifference as an affirmative.

"I'm sure there are no thanks great enough to demonstrate my gratitude for such a warm welcome," he said.

Oh, great. Edward really was going crazy now. The sarcastic dick beside him sounded exactly like another one he knew, and that was impossible, even for Ed's bat-shit imagination.

"Yeah, well," Edward started acerbically, turning to face his new companion, "Maybe you oughta-"

And  _oh fuck_. His voice was caught in his throat, a terrible vine of hope tightening around his heart and climbing up his throat. The shock hit him so hard he had to catch himself on the bar, almost toppling off his seat; he felt all of a sudden like he was being strangled. For the first time in many months, Edward was genuinely filled with want and hope. And it scared him more than he could say.

"R-Roy?" Edward asked, his voice small, smaller than he had ever heard it. He sounded like Alphonse. "Is that you, Roy?"

The man - Roy,  _Roy_ \- looked surprised. "How did you...?"

"Roy, it's me, you _bastard!_ Ed!" Roy looked clueless. "Edward? Edward Elric?"

Roy smiled easily and shrugged, although in his eyes, he looked perturbed. "I'm sorry," he said. He tapped his fingers against the bar to get the bartender's attention, one hand raising. "I don't think we've ever met before. I would be sure to remember  _you._ "

All at once, Edward felt his breath escape him, his heart struggling to beat. He was fool. Of course, this wasn't Roy, this was his counterpart... just like all the others had been... Why didn't he learn? Why didn't he ever fucking learn?

"I-I'm sorry," Edward said, " _Fuck_ , I'm so sorry. I - think-" He stumbled to his feet, debilitated by alcohol and emotion. Everything was spinning. He couldn't think straight. "I've gotta go-"

The Roy Look-a-Like caught Edward's arm, genuine concern shining in his eyes. "No, you don't," he said. "Sit back down. You're obviously not in the right state of mind to go anywhere right now."

Edward swallowed. See, this was what Roy did, whenever he wanted to show a stranger concern; he'd be a forceful arse about it, and say something convincing, and show those pretty eyes...

It had been so long since Edward had seen him. Everything in him - the emotions streaming through him like hoards of wasps - caved in, an avalanche at his feet. He wobbled, supported by Roy's strong grip on his elbow, and sat back down. "All right," he said, and swallowed his shame.

Roy had a drink now. Edward had about half left of his and promptly downed it, just as Roy took a sip of his own.

"So," he started. It was terrifying how identical to the Real Roy he was. "Want to explain how you know me?"

Edward didn't. But as he was looking at the familiar face, at the dark eyes, the supple lips, the high cheekbones and pale skin, it was as though something broke. He was so  _tired_ of lying to everyone he met, so tired of keeping things bottled up. And this was _Roy_ ; he couldn't lie to Roy.

Just like that, everything began pouring out like unstoppable vomit, even as Edward begged himself to stop. He told Roy about the Gate, the homunculi, the friendship they shared...

By the end of it, Not-Roy was trying not to look disturbed and somewhat failing. He did manage a smile, however, even as he said, "I see. You're a bit insane, are you not?"

And Edward wanted to cry.

"Perhaps it would be for the best if I-" Roy was getting up, collecting his coat, finishing his drink and  _fuck,_ Edward grabbed him and held on for dear life.

"No, fuck, no, Roy!" Edward stumbled after the man once he'd shaken Edward off, following him outside into the night. "Please. I just had to tell you. Please just -  _stop walking away from me, God fucking dammit!"_ The panic was swelling within him, rising like a great tsunami, ready to wash away his remains. Eyes scratching, heart pounding, Edward desperately shouted at Roy's retreating back: "You - you - you have a scar on your back!"

Roy stopped walking almost immediately.

"You... got it when you were young but you can't remember how. And - and you were adopted by your aunt, who runs a brothel, and she always teases you about hating carrots... And you know that Riza loves you more than anyone in the world, but you can't love her back, because you think it would be cruel to do that to her..."

Roy hadn't moved in a long time. Under the night sky, he shone brighter than any star.

"You loves dogs because they're loyal but secretly cats are your favourite because they're little arseholes, and for some reason you love that." Edward was laughing now, maybe hysterically, maybe not. He was too out of it to tell. "And once - once you told me I was like a cat, and that maybe you loved me, too. And then I disappeared into the Gate and I haven't seen you since."

It was quiet for a very long time. Edward, feeling pitiful, closed his eyes and hoped, even though he felt like the biggest fucking idiot in the world. He was so lonely, these days, and maybe it was making him go insane. He felt like he had always been insane.

"Edward, is it?" asked Roy. He didn't look back over his shoulder but his voice was soft and curious. That traitorous hope rose in Edward once again, stronger now than ever before. "I don't know how you know all that about me-"

Oh,  _fuck_ , oh, no-

"-but perhaps there's something here and you're right. I sat next to you tonight because I felt inexplicably drawn to you. Granted, I didn't know you were absolutely nuts-" And he  _laughed_. "-but perhaps I owe it to my other self. He sounds like a good man, and to have caught the eye of someone such as yourself..." Finally, Roy turned, and he was smiling a bit. Edward felt his heart in his throat, impossible as it was to swallow. "Come here."

Edward did; quick, little steps, until he was not a foot from Roy. From here, he could see the lines around Roy's eyes, hear the evenness of his breathing. For someone who had just been assaulted by an insane drunkard and followed down the road, he was taking things extremely calmly.

Then Edward remembered: Roy was lonely too.

"It is said that true love can extend past death, past time, past... dimensions, do you think?" Roy leaned in closer, eyes dark, voice like chocolate. "Would you care to find out?"

They were kissing before Edward could respond, bodies hot and strong as they pressed to one another. Roy had to duck a little to reach his mouth, but it was so  _good_ , so soft, so warm, and Edward felt desperate like he never had before.

When they parted, he had tears in his eyes, and  _fuck_ he was so stupid. "I-I know you're not Roy," he said, inhaling shakily. "I know you're not. I'm not a fuckin' idiot."

"I know that," said Not-Roy. "Would you like to grab some dinner?"

"I-" Edward couldn't say no, even as he willed himself to. "-yes, I would. Please."

Not-Roy was smirking. "Great. I know a little place not far from here. Maybe there you can tell me more about our extensive history."

"Yes," agreed Edward, because he was too lonely not to.

He knew it was all bullshit, whatever he had with this Roy, whatever they were about to start. But he had to start thinking about  _what if he didn't make it back?_ and maybe this Roy... maybe...

Maybe he really did feel something for Edward. Maybe he really wanted to try. Maybe they could be happy together.

"Are you coming?" Not-Roy asked, raising his eyebrow (just like the Real Roy used to do).

In the end, Edward was too weak to turn back. "Coming," he said, and followed after the man he knew would never be Roy, but was the closest he could get.


End file.
